An update…

Hi everyone,

I got such a positive response to my last personal post, With A Heavy Heart, that I figured I should post a little update to let you all know how things are going.

First though, I just want to say thank you to everyone who commented, messaged me, emailed etc initially. Honestly, your words of kindness were such a comfort to me after that post, and I was overwhelmed by all of the well wishes.

Since I last posted, I’ve been feeling better. I haven’t had a panic attack as severe as the one that prompted me to take a break, but I’ve still had some shaky days. And I know that over time they will lessen, I just need to find what works for me.

I’ve tried to avoid crime/thriller/mystery books because I found that those are the kinds of books that bring on the surge of adrenaline that leads to palpitations and subsequent panic attacks. However, this has left me in a bit of a bind because any of the other books I’ve been reading haven’t captivated me in the same way. I’ve started and given up on about ten books recently. BUT I know my reading mojo is having a bit of a break too, because my attention span just isn’t there at the moment.

So yeah, having a bit of a tough time because where reading is usually my comfort I’m finding it a little frustrating that I can’t stick with a book. Especially because I need my kindle to help me sleep. The anxiety is worse at nighttime, and reading usually keeps my mind off of it.

I went to see someone recently about some Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and while I can see the benefits, it didn’t help me much. In fact, it had the opposite effect. The person wasn’t interested in why I was having these panic attacks, just how to deal with them effectively. Which is all well and good. But I can’t help thinking, I want to know why I’m feeling like this.

So, I’m going for counseling soon, and I’m really hopeful that talk therapy will help. Because I’ve noticed I actually feel better when I talk about what’s going on in my head, and my poor (WONDERFUL) husband has been the best help with that at home, but I really want to see a professional to get to the bottom of it.

God this is turning into a long post. Honesty is the best policy though, and I’m not ashamed of this so why not discuss it. Mental health is a tricky thing, and I’ll do anything I can to get mine back in tip top condition because it’s affecting all aspects of my life!

I’ve also tried to add in some exercise, as in more than my usual stroll down the road at a snails pace πŸ˜‚ I’m trying to start running, because I want my heart pounding for a positive reason, not a negative one. And I find that the exertion (i.e my being totally unfit!) helps to tell my body “hey, it’s ok, you’re fine, you just did some exercise and you don’t need to freak out just because your heart is beating so fast!”.

One of the things I hate about all of this, is that my stomach goes into knots, and I genuinely feel like there is someone sitting in my chest. I can’t take a full deep breath because of it, and I have this ball of worry and tightness in my chest more often than not. I go off food (I’ve lost more weight in the past few weeks than I have in the past 6 months!), I get tired really easily because I don’t sleep well and I’m just not myself.

It’s crap. There are no two ways about it. I know there are people out there who are suffering with this as well, and there are people going through so much worse than this so I’m loathe to complain as it seems trivial in comparison sometimes.

That’s basically how things are with me since the last time I posted! I’ll get back to reviewing etc eventually, hopefully sooner rather than later, but for now I’m enjoying the time away and the lack of pressure.

Thanks for reading 😊

44 thoughts on “An update…

  1. Keep taking extra special care of yourself, Kate. I think the steps you’re taking are absolutely the right ones and I hope counselling brings you the answers so you can find your way back to yourself. We’re all thinking of you! 😘

  2. Talking about it definitely helps and you certainly need help with getting to the bottom of the cause and not just how to deal with the attacks. Hope you find the right help. Good luck with the running, exercise is something i really need to do more of but can never get motivated to do it xx

  3. Ahoy there matey! I be glad that things are trending in the right direction and hope for continual improvement. It be a work in progress for us all. Take good care of yerself. Pampering is good. Therapy will hopefully be good. Stay strong. Arrrr!
    x The Captain

  4. Aww- sweets. So sorry you are feeling this way. I hope the counselling helps – you just have to find what is right for you. In the meantime, you know I am ALWAYS here for you with an ear and some rubbish advice…possibly some bad jokes too). Love you loads and see you SOON! xoxox

  5. Kate I think you are probably further on the road to recovery than you think….you’re talking about it. You are not, and rightly so, in any way slow to discuss your mental well being which is fantastic. Enjoy getting the trainers worn down a little and sure the fitness gear is a great excuse to shop!! You’re a strong woman and PG talk therapy will help you on the rest of your journey. Take care Kate. x

  6. You have the best approach to what is happening to you, love ❀ It is important to look out for the whys as well as taking care of how to handle the attacks or the anxiety. You might not get all the answers, but talking will help you uncover things and see events with a new perspective, and it definitely helps reducing the issues. Re-teaching your body that adrenaline or a fast-beating heart are normal and should be triggered for the right reasons is perfect.
    I am always one message away if you need me. You are wonderful and strong, don't forget it xxxx

  7. One step at a time. Audiobooks might help at bedtime……then again, maybe not. In any case, we’re all thinking of you & wishing you the best. And provided that you’re not underweight, losing lbs is to be envied πŸ¦‹
    Bless you

  8. CBT isn’t for everyone so I hope you find counselling sessions more beneficial. And I wish you every success in your running excursions, I tried it once, I underestimated how tough it really is, but at least I looked the part, I bought full running outfit, running trainers, headphones, that thing to strap my phone to my arm, everything, and after my first run, I realised it wasn’t for me πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

  9. Thanks for sharing this, Kate, mental health issues are always tough and I hope the talking therapy offers you what you need. Exercise is certainly a positive action and perhaps you’ll find something more enjoyable for yourself. I attend yoga sessions weekly which I find beneficial for body and mind – but I know it’s not for everyone. Be gentle on yourself and your reading mojo will return in time. Big hugs xx

  10. Good to see you – even if it is still you’re taking a break πŸ™‚ Completely understand where you’re coming from, I know talking helps – and even if CBT isn’t the way for you, at least you’re getting the help you need. You take care of yourself – big virtual hugs xx

  11. So sorry to hear that you are struggling with this at the moment and you are smart to prioritise your health! Finding the right counsellor etc can be trial and error until you find the right person who you click with. Personally, I find that intense exercise helps me manage anxiety better. You will climb this hill and the view will be all the better for the struggle. Take care. x

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