I got such a positive response to my last personal post, With A Heavy Heart, that I figured I should post a little update to let you all know how things are going.
First though, I just want to say thank you to everyone who commented, messaged me, emailed etc initially. Honestly, your words of kindness were such a comfort to me after that post, and I was overwhelmed by all of the well wishes.
Since I last posted, I’ve been feeling better. I haven’t had a panic attack as severe as the one that prompted me to take a break, but I’ve still had some shaky days. And I know that over time they will lessen, I just need to find what works for me.
I’ve tried to avoid crime/thriller/mystery books because I found that those are the kinds of books that bring on the surge of adrenaline that leads to palpitations and subsequent panic attacks. However, this has left me in a bit of a bind because any of the other books I’ve been reading haven’t captivated me in the same way. I’ve started and given up on about ten books recently. BUT I know my reading mojo is having a bit of a break too, because my attention span just isn’t there at the moment.
So yeah, having a bit of a tough time because where reading is usually my comfort I’m finding it a little frustrating that I can’t stick with a book. Especially because I need my kindle to help me sleep. The anxiety is worse at nighttime, and reading usually keeps my mind off of it.
I went to see someone recently about some Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and while I can see the benefits, it didn’t help me much. In fact, it had the opposite effect. The person wasn’t interested in why I was having these panic attacks, just how to deal with them effectively. Which is all well and good. But I can’t help thinking, I want to know why I’m feeling like this.
So, I’m going for counseling soon, and I’m really hopeful that talk therapy will help. Because I’ve noticed I actually feel better when I talk about what’s going on in my head, and my poor (WONDERFUL) husband has been the best help with that at home, but I really want to see a professional to get to the bottom of it.
God this is turning into a long post. Honesty is the best policy though, and I’m not ashamed of this so why not discuss it. Mental health is a tricky thing, and I’ll do anything I can to get mine back in tip top condition because it’s affecting all aspects of my life!
I’ve also tried to add in some exercise, as in more than my usual stroll down the road at a snails pace 😂 I’m trying to start running, because I want my heart pounding for a positive reason, not a negative one. And I find that the exertion (i.e my being totally unfit!) helps to tell my body “hey, it’s ok, you’re fine, you just did some exercise and you don’t need to freak out just because your heart is beating so fast!”.
One of the things I hate about all of this, is that my stomach goes into knots, and I genuinely feel like there is someone sitting in my chest. I can’t take a full deep breath because of it, and I have this ball of worry and tightness in my chest more often than not. I go off food (I’ve lost more weight in the past few weeks than I have in the past 6 months!), I get tired really easily because I don’t sleep well and I’m just not myself.
It’s crap. There are no two ways about it. I know there are people out there who are suffering with this as well, and there are people going through so much worse than this so I’m loathe to complain as it seems trivial in comparison sometimes.
That’s basically how things are with me since the last time I posted! I’ll get back to reviewing etc eventually, hopefully sooner rather than later, but for now I’m enjoying the time away and the lack of pressure.
Thanks for reading 😊